Changing Habits for Good: Sometimes Flexibility Helps

Every year, millions of people make New Year's resolutions. Interestingly, most of us tend to make the same resolutions year after year, and vow an average of 10 times to change a particular behavior. And, did you know that 25% of New Year's resolutions are abandoned after 15 weeks—and that health-related resolutions are the hardest to maintain? Even those who can successfully make self-changes must try five or six times, on average, before succeeding.

Drs. Janet Polivy and C. Peter Herman of the University of Toronto wanted to know why so many people's attempts to change parts of their life fall short. (American Psychologist 2002; 677-689). One of their findings was that after a failure to change, people had a remarkable willingness to try, try again, and to look forward instead of back. The cycle of failure, interpretation of the failure, and renewed attempts to try again make up what the two researchers call "the false-hope syndrome."

The False-Hope Syndrome

In the false-hope syndrome, people undertake a difficult (or impossible) task and although there is some progress, ultimately they fail to achieve their goal. After they fail, they are convinced that with just a few adjustments, they will succeed the next time. They try again, propelled by their memories of limited success and positive expectations for the future.

Dieting is a good example. Weight loss is probably the number-one New Year's resolution, yet most diets lead only to short-term success. The usual pattern is adherence to a diet and greater weight loss at first, but then slower weight loss and less compliance. Over the long run, overeating and weight gain are as much a part of dieting as are eating less and losing weight.

Ironically, recovery from an eating disorder (which is often the result of failed dieting!) is also a great example. Many individuals with bulimia vow that "this binge will be the last." Many anorexics say they want to restrict for "just one more day and then start eating normally tomorrow." Usually, this kind of promise, although made with the best of intentions, is not kept for very long. (Some therapists believe that these promises are, in fact, part of the cycle of an eating disorder.) In the long run, though, recovery is a series of steps forward and steps back.

Unrealistic Expectations

According to Drs. Polivy and Herman, there are four main sources of "failure," each of which is coordinated with an unrealistic expectation about self-change: the amount of change, the speed at which we can change, the ease of changing, and the effects of change on other aspects of life.

Dieters believe that they can lose more pounds, more quickly and easily than is really possible. They also believe that losing weight will improve their lives more than can reasonably be expected, a phenomenon called "overgeneralized self-improvement." This is also the case with the perpetuation of an eating disorder. We have become so brainwashed to believe that attractiveness, health, and social and professional success are the result of an ideal body size and shape that even an illusion is motivation enough for further attempts at self-change.

Rewards play a role, too—in the case of dieting, some weight is nearly always lost, at least in the beginning. This brings increased feelings of hope, and increased energy and strength as well. Along with these positive feelings comes a feeling of control, whether over the setting or over oneself.

As time goes by, though, change becomes more difficult to sustain and ultimately no further progress is made. One or more relapses may result in abandonment of the effort, which is now declared a failure. When this happens one or more times, more abusive dieting behaviors, such as starvation or bingeing, may take hold.

The brighter side

Even though some goals are nearly impossible to achieve, this shouldn't be cause for deep pessimism, according to Drs. Polivy and Herman. After all, some difficult tasks are both worthwhile and possible. The real trick is knowing the difference. This requires an honest appraisal of one's and other's past efforts, as well as a careful scrutiny of the goal itself. Did you fail because the task was simply beyond your ability, or was the task itself not meaningful or fulfilling? Is weight loss possible given your heredity and lifestyle, and will it realistically change your life? What about changing the goal from being thin to being healthy? This goal is more easily accessible and more rewarding in the long run. On balance, it seems to be just as important to know when to abandon goals that can't or shouldn't be achieved as it is to know when to try and try again.

Perhaps the best approach is to be flexible. If failure tends to come from trying to do too much, too soon, and hoping in vain that self-change will bring a host of additional rewards, then perhaps one should consider scaling back or changing one's ambitions. Reasonable, meaningful goals, approached with the possibility of revision, and a plan to cope with inevitable relapse are more likely to be achieved and will add to feelings of competence and self-esteem.