Q & A: If Diets Don’t Work, What Does?

Q: Since I’ve given up dieting, I have gained more and more. I have been reading a lot on how important it is to end dieting, eat only when hungry, eat exactly what you’re craving, stop when you’re full, and your body will return to its natural weight. I CANNOT get the hang of this. In fact, the more I try to do this, the more it seems I eat compulsively. Can you help?

A: I couldn’t get the hang of it either! For some people, this newfound permission and freedom works very well. They overeat in the beginning and then gradually begin to eat sanely and lovingly. For many others, myself included, this is not the case. I had a lifetime of stuffed emotions and I could not be trusted with food. There were certain foods that I was simply unable to eat in moderation.

Dealing with food issues is only one aspect of healing. It is essential to address your feelings (the ones you eat over) as well. To stop eating emotionally, you must get your emotional hungers fed. Given the vast amount of feelings we have in any given day, there are many different ways to do this and many different things you might need. You might start out with a safe therapist who specializes in eating disorders, as well as a journal where you can write down all of the feelings and issues you might be stuffing down. It can also be helpful at your stage of recovery to work with a dietician who can assist you in making gradual changes so that you are not restricting, but also pacing yourself and honoring your stage of recovery.

I am grateful to say that many years, tears, and therapy sessions later, I can now eat whatever I want. I can trust myself with food and feelings. I can have foods in my house that I wasn’t able to be in the same country with before! I know when I am hungry for carrots, cake, or comfort foods, and you can too.

Q: I am a male who wants to lose weight. My program is working, but I know it is unhealthy. I only eat one small meal a day, spend 10 hours doing strenuous labor, and on weekends I try to be as active as possible. Is this really bad for me, and what can I do instead?

A: Your "program" sounds more like boot camp to me. (I’m being kind here; it really sounds more like a concentration camp.) I’m not sure where you came up with it, but I’m guessing this regimen causes you to miss out other aspects of life (like fun, rest, friends, and family). It also sounds like a volcano getting ready to erupt. In my opinion, this is not only an unhealthy way to treat your body, your weight loss will probably at best be short-lived. The reason is that 98 percent of people who lose weight on diets, regain it (usually with a rebate) because diets do not work. You may lose weight initially, as you can attest to right now, but there are several factors taking place behind the scenes that will more than likely come back to haunt you.

The first is physical. When you deprive your body not only from the nutrients that it needs, but also the variety of foods that it likes and wants, it will at some point, rebel and make up for the restriction. Whether it’s in a week, a month, or a year, most people binge as much, if not more, that which they withheld from themselves. Similarly, excessive exercise is a destructive activity that entails ignoring your bodies needs and wants. Not only is it likely to backfire at some point whether it’s due to injury, fatigue, obsession, rebellion, or even death—it is not a balanced, self-respectful, and realistic way to live.

The second issue here is emotional. You may be having feelings you are not even aware of that you are numbing with restriction and repressing with excessive activity. As long as you do not address these emotions, you’ll continue to hold them inside. Often times, we need help with this area because if we could simply address and attend to these feelings on our own, we wouldn’t be acting out in other ways. When our needs are met, we usually (with the exception of what I consider "normal overindulging") eat what our bodies want, stop when we’re politely full, and take time to enjoy life. There are many hungers and aspects of being human. The concept I teach in my book and work involves all of the parts of life: physical, emotional, spiritual, and cognitive. I hope that you will consider including them into your "program" as well.