The Truths of Recovery

For the last decade, we have worked together to raise awareness about our culture's unhealthy beauty ideals. Magali has appeared on the covers of nearly every fashion magazine in the world, including Vogue, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Elle, and Marie Claire. Claire is a writer and body image expert. We have both suffered from eating disorders and we both believe that in order to recover, we had to learn how to tell the truth. So from Magali's house in Los Angeles and Claire's apartment in New York City, we had a bi-coastal chat about the truths of recovery. Now we are sharing our conversation with you.

Magali: I compare my recovery to scuba diving. When I was suffering from my eating disorder, I felt like I was alone in the ocean, with just my oxygen tank on my shoulders. That tank was my eating disorder. I had to recognize that there was another world I could live in. I had to surface and try and breathe air without my tank. I slipped back underwater many times, but after repeated attempts, I finally began to trust that I could live without it.

Claire: Recovery is about breaking through that isolation. To let go of my eating disorder, I had to say goodbye to the misguided idea that it is possible to survive as a self-contained unit. Now I measure my health not by numbers on a scale, but by my ability to let everyone in on the big secret that I guarded with my life for so long. Guess what, world? I am vulnerable and imperfect! Of course it is much easier to say those words in print than it is to really live with them every day—especially in a culture that sells us the idea that we can be perfect if we just lose weight, work out enough, buy the right clothes, the list goes on.

Magali: Those images of perfection are illusions. I have survived in the fashion industry for sixteen years because I learned to truly understand that what I look like is not who I am. And what I look like on the covers and pages of magazines is definitely not the real me.

I know what goes on behind the scenes. Magazine images are extensively retouched—not just a pimple here and there, but entire bodies and faces are transformed. It's happened to me countless times. I was happy to see the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty release a commercial about retouching last year, and there was great news coverage of the June/July 2007 cover of Men's Fitness, when the magazine retouched tennis star Andy Roddick to look like the Incredible Hulk! Andy spotted the cover in an airport and barely recognized himself. So now we are seeing that this pressure is on men, too. There are some positive shows out there, like Ugly Betty, although I don't really watch TV. Claire, that's more your area of expertise.

Claire: As a writer and media critic, watching TV (yes, even bad reality TV) is part of my job. Actually, I think that every media consumer needs to think of her/himself as a media critic. If we are going to counteract these dangerous messages about beauty and body image, we need to be able to recognize them when we see them. We also need to take action. I write letters of protest and letters of support all the time. I used to internalize all those negative images and messages about thinness, thinking that something was wrong with me. It is very empowering to turn that impulse around and say, "No, there is something wrong with what you're telling me. And by the way, I'm not going to buy your product, watch your show, or read your magazine until you fix it."

Magali: Eating disorders keep us in silence, so recovery must be about using our voices. When I decided to go back to modeling after I recovered, I chose the people I would work with very carefully because I understand I need to be in a supportive environment. However, I still encounter the occasional uneducated, inconsiderate person who makes inappropriate comments. My reaction in those situations is very different from what it would have been when I was suffering. When a stylist says I am too fat for the clothes, I feel very confident correcting her. I am not too fat for the clothes—the clothes are too small for me.

The bottom line is that fashion and beauty should be fun. It's a treat when you find a fabulous lipstick shade that suits you, but it's no fun if you're agonizing over your dress size. Thinness and "perfection" are not synonymous with beauty, and they aren't a magic ticket to happiness either. I am happy today because I know myself better than I did yesterday.