Dealing With Transition Periods

The word "change" can send waves of anxiety through my body. This is probably not an uncommon feeling for someone recovering from an eating disorder. I am a 20-something who hopes to enter a career field involving frequent moves and even more frequent travel. Since I have been making plans, the topic of change has been on my mind, particularly in the form of transitions. As I prepare to live abroad for several months, I know I must learn to deal with these feelings in a healthy manner.

Life is full of transitions, whether they be moving out on our own for the first time, going through a breakup, or getting a new job. We look forward to some changes and wish we could stop others, but all transitions involve some element of uncertainty. As I wait to get on a plane that will take me across the world, I know where I am going and what I plan on doing, but I cannot anticipate each challenge that will meet me along the way. Times like these are when old eating disorder thoughts arise. Despite knowing for sure that nothing good will ever come from bingeing or purging or counting calories, these behaviors can sometimes feel more secure than a future I cannot see clearly. They can feel like a way to slow the world down and create a sense of safety in the midst of chaos. However, resorting to obsessions and compulsions as a way to control the world does not stop change from occurring; it just stops me from being a part of that change.

The challenge, for me and for all of us, is to respond to change in a healthy and constructive way, rather than reacting in fear. Though this does not yet come easily for me, through a messy process of trial and error, I am learning a few things about being proactive in the face of a transition.

1. I put my fears aside.

When I was graduating from college, I wanted nothing more than to push the pause button of life to avoid facing the "real world." Although I was powerless over preventing graduation day (barring failing all my classes), I could address my fears by identifying what would really make me happy—and going for it. The day I decided to forgo that desk job for a teaching position in Asia felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

2. I let go of what I cannot control.

In the words of the Serenity Prayer, "We need to accept the things we cannot change." Accepting powerlessness over certain things, such as that new roommate's cheerful chatter early in the morning when you simply aren't a morning person, or a new boss' disorganization, can be enormously freeing. Realizing we are not in control of some aspect of a situation gives us the freedom to concentrate our energies on areas we can control. I used to think this meant "holding myself together" and keeping my emotions bottled up. On the contrary, when we allow ourselves to go through the process of feeling, we are most in control. Once we identify with an emotion, we are more equipped to truly deal with the situation, even if that means realizing there is nothing we can do.

3. I can create comfort anywhere.

In the midst of change, it is normal to crave comfort and familiarity. The rituals and rigidity of an eating disorder can sometimes feel "comfortable" because they are familiar. Finding new ways to comfort ourselves will take effort and practice. Comfort is an individual thing. It may be setting aside thirty minutes each morning of "me" time, or carrying around an inspirational message to pull out in times of stress, or putting a picture of a loved one next to a computer at work.

4. I forgive myself for not being perfect.

Life is always presenting new challenges and we can't possibly prepare for each one. We will make mistakes. Learning from our mistakes, not attaining perfection, is the goal. An eating disorder does not disappear overnight. Sometimes, in response to a challenge, more than just old eating disorder thoughts will arise, and we might find ourselves engaging in old behaviors. At this point, there are two choices: do we beat ourselves up over reverting to the behavior or do we take the experience and learn from it? I am learning that both slips and relapses can be learning experiences. If I find myself ignoring my body's hunger cues in response to stress or change, it does not mean that my recovery has gone out the window. Instead, I can ask myself what I was needing or wanting and think of ways I could handle the situation differently in the future. By learning from our mistakes, we can take the power away from the eating disorder and give it back to ourselves.

Change is scary, and the future holds many unknowns, but each time we ride the waves of change and uncertainty without relying on the eating disorder (or learning from the times when we do), we become stronger and more assured of our ability to handle whatever life throws our way.