Compulsive Behaviors in the Family

Q: I clean compulsively, and my daughter says my cleaning is like her anorexia nervosa. Is it?

A: It may be similar.

A major function of anorexic behaviors (as well as all eating disorders) is a diminishing or eliminating of emotions, which actually becomes a coping method for the sufferer. Other activities can elicit this effect, like the use of alcohol, drugs, exercise (which can be part of an eating disorder), excessive cleaning, and working very intensely.

The crux of the matter is your motivation for doing the behavior. In your case, you might consider what cleaning means to you, how you feel if you skip a day or so, and how you feel emotionally and/or physically as you do it. Your daughter, in her work on herself, will have to answer a version of the same questions, but hers will relate to issues about food and weight.

If you are cleaning for the purpose of achieving a clean living space, and do not excessively or "over-clean," your behavior isn't analogous to your daughter's anorexia nervosa. If, however, you are cleaning for other reasons—such as to distract yourself, to boost your self-esteem, to give you and your life purpose or meaning, to "numb out" or to not have to feel—then your cleaning compulsion functions in a way that is similar to an eating disorder.

Identifying what cleaning means to you could help your family in several ways. Exploring underlying motivation for the behaviors can deepen your understanding of your daughter's experience and make you more able to relate to her eating disorder. You'll also start to know yourself better. Perhaps most importantly, if cleaning is indeed serving a psychological or emotional purpose, you can be a role model for recovery for your daughter. She'll have the opportunity to watch you sort out your own behaviors and make decisions about how you live your life—which she can then apply to her own.