Perfectionism and the Pursuit of Failure

One way to define perfectionism is the pursuit of failure. Perhaps that seems oxymoronic, but if your goal is to achieve perfection at all times and in all things, you are doomed to fail. Nobody is perfect, and absolute perfection is impossible. As Winston Churchill said, “The maxim ‘Nothing matters but perfection’ may be spelled p-a-r-a-l-y-s-i-s.”

Many people, especially those with eating disorders, are afflicted with perfectionism, and, yes, it is an affliction that ultimately leads to paralysis. These normally intelligent, multi-talented individuals are constantly berating themselves for the slightest mistake, never feeling good enough. Their identity is based on performance, and when that performance is flawed, self-esteem plummets. Consequently, they are afraid to take risks or try new things, since doing something imperfectly would feel catastrophic. The result is that they become immobilized.

Making a distinction between perfectionism and the healthy pursuit of excellence is helpful. Someone who is striving for perfection is motivated by fear: fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of not measuring up to some internal or external expectation. Consider the athlete who must score the most points or win every race or the student who concludes she is stupid if he does not make all A’s. On the other hand, one whose goal is excellence is motivated by a desire to achieve in order to learn, to grow, to improve. In sports or at work or in extracurricular activities, she is motivated by a love of that particular endeavor. There is peace in knowing one is doing what she is called to do.

Sometimes we make messes out of our lives, or we somehow find ourselves in the midst of a messy situation. Learn to embrace the mess; order can be brought out of chaos. Meeting with a counselor in order to find new solutions to life’s problems is one way of achieving this goal that does not indicate failure, only an acceptance of our limitations. This side of heaven, we are all works in progress. Let go of striving for perfection, because it does not exist.

So as we pursue excellence, let us avoid the perfectionism trap, which paralyzes us with fear. As former Archbishop of Canterbury Geoffrey F. Fisher wisely observed, “When you aim for perfection, you discover it’s a moving target.”