Assertiveness Training and Eating Disorders Recovery
By By Sari Shepphird PhD
Reprinted from Eating Disorders Recovery Today
Spring 2009 Volume 7, Number 2
©2009 Gürze Books
Assertiveness involves speaking up for one’s feelings and needs—a skill that is characteristically very difficult for individuals who struggle with eating disorders. Many also have difficulty identifying and expressing feelings or asking for help. Instead, the eating disorder symptoms can become a non-verbal “voice” that patients use to let others know about their emotional pain, personal challenges, and needs that might otherwise go unexpressed. After all, eating disorders have a way of poignantly saying, “Leave me alone,” or “Back off!” or “I just wish I could disappear.”
Moreover, individuals accustomed to distracting, soothing, or avoiding their feelings with exercise, binging, purging, or restricting calories, may find it intimidating and unsettling to imagine getting in touch with those feelings. Yet, learning to comfortably express one’s opinions, thoughts, and feelings can provide significant help along the road to recovery. This is where assertiveness training comes in.
Assertiveness training is a straightforward process of learning how to become more comfortable expressing one’s own feelings, reactions, wants, and needs to others. Studies show that assertiveness training can help build confidence, assist with managing stress and anger, and improve coping skills for emotional health and well-being.
|
Would you benefit from assertiveness training? Complete the following statements by answering with: (A) Always 1) I stand up for my own needs. 2) I feel I deserve to be heard. 3) I believe I have a right to my own feelings and opinions. 4) I share those feelings and opinions with others. 5) I ask for what I want and need. 6) I am able to say “no” when I do not want to do something. 7) I am afraid it will seem selfish if I express my feelings or opinions. If you answered C, D, or E to most of questions 1–6, and/or answered A or B to question 7, you will likely benefit from assertiveness training. |
The following are some useful strategies involved in assertiveness training. You may want to practice with your treatment team or a trusted friend to build your confidence. Being assertive takes time and practice. Your skill and ease will increase over time, so be patient with yourself.
✔ Use assertive language. Use “I” statements so that others know what you are thinking and feeling. For example, instead of saying, “You are ignoring me!” you could say, “I feel hurt when you watch television when I’m trying to speak to you.”
✔ Be clear in asking for what you want. For example, if you are going to the movies and picking up a friend who has a reputation for being late, you could say, “I really want to get there for the previews, so please be ready to go at 7 o’clock.”
✔ Speak up if you are overlooked. For example, if you are waiting in line at the grocery store and someone steps in front of you, it is okay to say, “Excuse me, I’m not sure if you saw me, but I was in line ahead of you.”
✔ Do not apologize for your feelings. Do not apologize when you have not done anything wrong.
✔ Do not take responsibility for someone else’s behavior.
✔ Repeat your request, if you are not satisfied that you have been heard.
✔ Express yourself calmly, taking deep breaths if you need to. Avoid insults and accusations. For example, instead of saying, “You are so stubborn, you never listen to me!” you could say, “I feel frustrated when you interrupt me, so please just listen for a moment.”
✔ Listen to others’ points of view as well—but remember that you do not have to agree with their opinion or do what they are asking.
✔ Offer to compromise, when appropriate.
Expanding your range of communication skills and including efforts at becoming more assertive can be productive, empowering steps in the right direction on the road to recovery.
