"I"m the father of a daughter with an eating disorder and I feel totally done. What should I do?"

When someone you love suffers from an eating disorder, it"s not uncommon to feel exhausted and worn down. In the moment, you may feel done with everything—the eating disordered behaviors, the stress of it all, the expense and/or effort of treatment or the time it takes, and even your daughter herself. I encourage you to try to get as clear as possible about what, exactly, you feel "done" with, even though you may be exhausted to the point where you don"t feel capable of thinking clearly.

Often, getting a chance to reflect on what you really feel will make clear that although you may in fact be done with certain things, you aren"t done with your loved one herself. You may need a break of some kind, a respite from the intensity of what your family is going through, or a conversation with an objective party, such as a therapist or spiritual advisor. Or, you may indeed be done with certain aspects of the disorder—particular behaviors or ways you are interacting regarding the illness, for example.

Although exploring in depth the thoughts and feelings about "being done" is challenging, it might also relieve feelings of guilt and shame. You don"t want to feel done, but right now, you have become too tired, too frustrated, too afraid, and simply feel unable to go on. That"s completely understandable. Yet, as you come to see that it isn"t the person with the disorder you are exhausted by, you can move past your guilt and begin to figure out what you need to do next to take care of your daughter and yourself.